Do you know the difference between being kind and being nice? Do you? Really?
It is important to know the difference so that you do not get mixed up when either one happens to you because kindness can hurt and niceness can be evil.
Some definitions then:
Kindness – the state or quality of being kind
Kind – having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence
Kindness then is the act of being kind, i.e. being benevolent towards them.
Niceness – the quality of being nice; pleasantness
Nice – pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory.
Niceness then is somebody being pleasant towards you and agreeing with you
Why is there a difference? Because agreeing to do something is nice but then not doing it isn’t. Telling someone that they have to stop behaving badly is kindness towards their status, but it is not a nice thing to do to them.
Do you see?
Agreeable, pleasant, NICE people exist all around us, they will make you think that they are on-side, part of the team, and appear on the outside sometimes to be just that, but then will not do the things they have said they will. Often when these people are called on their failures, they will simply make excuses and never correct the behaviour.
Someone raising their voice to tell you to stop your poor behaviour is not being nice, the nice thing would be to ignore it. But this is kindness as they are thinking of you and your standing with those around you, and they want you to correct the behaviour not for their own benefit, but because they are being KIND towards you, probably due to them caring for you and your future.
You must accept that someone who is being nice to you may not actually follow through and honour your agreement, Anyone can appear nice, but it takes time to learn if someone is genuinely kind and looking out for your wellbeing.
Having said this, everyone deserves to be treated as kind to begin with, and you can also choose the route of forgiveness, if they do not live up to their initial agreements. However do not be taken for a fool and continually forgive and fall for the same kind words over and over, sometimes it is showing kindness to stop dealing with that person (in a nice way).
For example, is this man in the following video being “nice” or being “kind”?
Take a big picture look at his presentation:
– Is he being pleasant?
– Is he agreeable?
– Do his words match his presentation?
– Is he smiling in wrong places?
– Does he show nervous body language?
– Is he setting out long term demands?
– Do you trust this man based upon his presentation?
– Would you say he cared about the people he is talking about?