This is the end of Mum, how can it be? I’ve never not had a mother. But now I will for the first time.
I can’t quite make sense of it, to have no mother, it feels like a story that happens to others.
Mum has always been here, and I can’t make myself understand that she is not.
When I was a boy, the thought of losing Mum would have ended my world, but now I am grown.
I’m old enough to not need to turn to Mum for her help or for support, and in recent years I’ve taken on a supporting role for her.
We’ve spoken so much on so many subjects that I don’t feel that there are things we haven’t said.
I am very grateful for this, as I am for all of the love that she has shown over these years.
While I cannot now recall many of her catchphrases and sayings, or even the sound of her voice, I know it will come back to me when I need to hear it.
Of course this situation puts my own existence into the frame, as I look ahead to what will come,
but I mustn’t go there for every ones sake.
I’m lucky to have had Mum for this long, many don’t, but still I feel her death has come too soon.
Is this the natural flow of things? I don’t know, it’s all going too fast and the world keeps pulling me along.
I don’t feel that old, and certainly not old enough to lose Mum, and I feel she has been robbed of a normal passing.
She has not been able to convey any final words of wisdom for me and she didn’t even an awareness of what was going on inside her at the end.
But with that said her passing did afford her some small blessings; no pain, no long drawn out illness, and no anxiety about what was to come.
You were the kindest, most forgiving and caring mother that anyone could ask for.
I always felt unconditionally loved, and I know that is rare so I am very fortunate.
On top of that you taught me the meaning of resilience, justice, and equality. I owe you so much.
I will of course be able to carry on with my life because of how you brought me up, and I thank you deeply for that.
I’m pleased that you got to know your granddaughters as they grew into young adults, but am sad they will not have you meet them from school again, or hear your infectious laugh once more. It doesn’t seem possible!
When I was young and upset about the end of a holiday you always told me “All good things must come to an end”, but that never made it right.
And it’s not right that your story comes to an end now. But as we are here, goodnight Mum, sleep well. I love you.