I keep asking myself, why am I not having spiritual experiences recently?
It’s now become unusual to me to not have any Kundalini symptoms or revelatory experiences. I wonder if I have come to the end of my journey, although experience tells me this is never the case. I worry that I have done something wrong and am being punished for some transcendental crime, of which I am unaware. I also can’t escape the feeling that I am simply waiting. Waiting for what I cannot know, and perhaps as Castaneda would have it I am waiting for my will.
With all that is going on around me in the world today, I feel that I should be taking an active role in sorting out the craziness which we all see in the shape of; the end of human sanity in the face of fear, the illogic of the most highly educated believing social untruths, the establishment charged with our health seeking no longer to make sick people well, and our leaders simply doing as they are told by some shadowy mindset which blackmails and threatens those it controls.
With all this going on here I sit, simply existing alone. However behind all of this anxiety about the state of things I have this underlying confidence that everything will be fine. I have this background sense which informs me that I am doing what I need to be doing at the moment, which is providing for my family by working hard in my day to day job, and focussing on becoming a better employee.
While I resist this at one level, I am being molded at work into something new, something I’ve not been before and this will stand me in good stead should I lose this job and require another, so while my forebrain complains and moans, my aft brain is absorbing and learning and planning for the future. I am currently exercising my brain in ways it has not been stretched in years, and it is not as plastic as it once was, but I know this is ultimately for the best.
When I think like this I find that I am rewarded with a small Kundalini surge, and while it seems pathetic in size and length, it is a reminder of what it once was, and of what it still represents.
The Kundalini surge as it ever was, is an alignment with the universe and a communication with the essence of consciousness, and I begin to feel that my anxiety is gone. I may not be accomplishing anything spiritually at the moment, but what I am doing is still important and necessary and I get the sense that if I am needed then I will be called upon as I was before. Until then I am to work towards the day where my work is not an uphill slog of understanding new and complex things, and instead plateau into a competent delivery of quality work.
So there you have it, my spiritual drought is perhaps ordained and the while source is off doing some things with others, I wait for my time to serve once again.
“Is this the end of everything, or just a new way to bleed?”
New Way To Bleed – Evanescence