Kundalini & Death

The general perception of Kundalini at the point of death is that it is a secret technique of preserving oneself beyond the veil. You can imagine it as the Christian Heaven, the Hindu ending of reincarnation, the Celtic story of the holy grail, the new age idea of returning to source and joining the ascended masters, or the Star Wars story of maintaining ones identity after death to return as a force ghost, basically immortality.

There are ideas sold of how Kundalini presents at death, arriving to shut down the chakras and release one’s essence with a final breath through the crown chakra, and it seems to be something that people are searching for and trying to attain to the point they will pay great sums of money to learn. But this is not what this article is about, it is not for me a selfish act of preservation that I want to write about but rather the effect it has on one during life.

That may seem to be a contradiction given the title of this piece but what I mean is that Kundalini is in itself a form of death and rebirth. The awakening process that I went through was like a medical Near Death Experience which fundamentally changed who I am and how I react to death in others. My reactions to the concept of death and to others dying now is wildly different from most people. I now do not fear physical death and what is more I have no desire for myself to go on as I am, to be a phantom after death lingering around on earth. I do not want to find a way of preserving myself after I die. I’m not driven to quest for immortality and desperately practice any technique which seems to offer salvation from the void. Basically the fanciful stories which appeal to the ego are nothing to do with me or this post.

Instead I wanted to share my recent experience with my mothers death and how I did not behave at all like one is supposed to. Firstly I believe Kundalini was active in me at the time leading up to her passing as I felt strongly compelled to do certain things that were not of my ego. I felt a deep injustice in her condition that had to be rectified, and while I knew that her short term memory was failing and that she could not remember why she was in hospital and therefore kept asking I was urged by Kundalini to hold her hand and tell her myself that she was dying of cancer and this was the end. It seemed to stick with her at some level beyond short term memory unlike when she was told by a doctor or a nurse, and it was one of the things dad would not talk to her about. I did this not from a point of selfishness, but rather a feeling of unfairness that she could not retain and comprehend the information she was given and prepare herself for the inevitable. Kundalini shakti urged me to try and balance the scales here and while i’ll never know for sure, her last words (to me) were “It is, what it is.” which suggested a peace or an acceptance of the situation which she hadn’t had prior to my sitting with her.

My own behaviour around her was also different to others thanks to Kundalini. I had no fear of death and was not upset for myself. I felt the situation was deeply unfair for her, but this did not effect my presentation of self. I know my father and brother reacted very differently to me, and you could call it perhaps a classical male reaction, which was to deny the evidence and bury ones head by not facing the obvious nature of what was going on before us. My feelings toward her were simply of love and gratitude for all that she had done for me in life. I thanked her openly and honestly and as my brother lives in another country I made him a recording of my thanking Mum from us both, which he is still has not listened to. Mum and I watched videos of her grandchildren and looked at family photos together in the hospital.

When we were called to the hospital for a final time, my father lost it in a spectacular outburst of emotion as he could no longer deny what was going on. My reaction was very different, I told Mum that we had said goodbye just a day ago and I simply kissed her head and told her I loved her one last time. I didn’t feel the need to cry myself and it wasn’t a “end of everything” moment for me like it seemed to be for the man next to me, who I was trying to comfort.

Now I don’t have any experience of dealing with dying people or have any training, so I put it down to an active Kundalini in me that both allowed me to forget personal feelings of grief or loss, and also to behave in a respectful caring way, awake to what was going on and not clouded by fear or pretense. It took me beyond self interest and put me into a position quite simply, of love itself and I believe that there is something beyond death. While it may not be a personal continuation of ego, it is also not something to be feared so therefore I do not treat others in that manner, and I do not look ahead myself with any trepidation.

That is Kundalini and death.

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