So here we are, a decade has passed since I had a Kundalini awakening and what are my thoughts? Well it’s not turned out the way I thought it would!
I was wondering what would happen here at the back end of 2023 and having my mother die was not something that I could have predicted. I wonder now what it means in the grand scheme of things that on my 10 year anniversary that this has happened? I am inclined to get negatively conspiratorial here and must not fall into that void, but it is intersting to me while i tip toe around the event horizon that one of my only ever ask of the universe is my prayer to keep my family safe and this has not been the case. I suppose the coming days will reveal what it is all about, I hope so. It is that time of year again and I have had an active history of Christmas time events. I also note that I have not had any Kundalini surges in many weeks, and it seems to have deserted me again. Every time it goes I fear it will never return but it has not let me down thus far.
10 years is a long time and I have been through a lot in the years since I last knew stability in my life. I have learnt that the only way to live calmly and peacefully is to be at peace in the chaos of life and to not wish for every thing to be alright before I am alright. It amuses me that Jordan Peterson today tweeted that in his view the meaning of life is finding the largest burden that you can bear and bearing it. I can relate to this, and still feel that I am not yet at my limit, which is unfortunate for me I suppose.
I often give advice to others about learning to swim at sea with no land in sight, holding faith in one’s heart that one will be swimming in the right direction and will come to land before one runs out of breath.
Maybe my mum’s dying was a test too, maybe it was designed to check how I would respond with a fully integrated Kundalini. It was a different experience for me than I had imagined. I went into it with my eyes open and with only love in my heart, and it would certainly be the sort of test I would give someone to prove their worth at the end of a decade of learning. The test in this case has been one of dealing with a terrible situation and not going to pieces or letting my ego out of check, and of staying sane throughout and even dare I say it, positive!
There were a number of things in this experience that I was thankful for, including the fact that her illness never caused mum pain, that she did not have any anxiety about what was coming, and that she really couldn’t remember anything for longer than 5 minutes. That I got to spend time with her before she died, and that I was able say goodbye and really show her the love she deserved.
A quick summary then of the last ten year’s significant events:
- Unwittingly causing a real stink for wicked people at work, simply by doing my job well
- By steadfastly refusing to do wrong in my work I was collectively bullied by an organised group of staff
- I broke under the pressure and turned to “god” and the church for help
- I was tested and had a near death experience, resulting in a Kundalini awakening
- Getting stuck in a mental health system that could not understand my experience and who fell back on wrong diagnosis and incorrect medication
- Eventually realising that I had to fix this myself and pull myself out of not only a mental struggle, but also a prescription drug addiction
- Hold down a job among vipers who ultimately got rid of me in a horrid way by have me train my replacement
- Have a religious mission given to me by Jesus Christ
- Embark on a period of recovery, while having to bring up a young family
- Write and publish a novel
- Properly start practicing my own religion of one (and many)
- Get bullied again in the work place, once again stand for truth as long as I could, and then leave for another job before I broke
- Get pursued on by a metaphorical leach of a woman at the turn of the year, and having her ejected as a result from a directorial role
- Get made redundant again at a subsequent job due to Covid
- Refuse to abide by a corrupt government’s wishes during a pandemic and pick up rubbish remote job to relearn software development
- Find another job and work hard to learn the ropes, this time in a hybrid arrangement
- Have my mother die and leave me with a broken father to support
- Enter into another spiritual drought
- Wonder how I can balance my logical brain and the experiences I know I’ve had. The two do not sit well together. I am not mad, but If I were to tell anyone of my experiences they would seem mad.
I look back now and think that a lot has happened, probably more than any decade before. It’s a wonder i’m as well as I am now I read the above through.
What will the next decade bring?