Mum’s death didn’t feel like i expected it to, It’s not like the stories you know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have an acceptance but also a disbelief that it is even possible, Losing mum is like water suddenly disappearing from the planet<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s just not conceivable to me even though I know it is real, the overwhelming feeling is one of how unfair it is for her<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Can we have a do-over? I wasn’t ready for it to be this way!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I occasionally find myself thinking “I wonder what mum will think of such and such”, but then i catch myself falling like in a dream as I recall the reality<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know if I love you I have to let you go, but it’s hard, you literally grew me from nothing into a living spiritual being<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yet you died just like an animal, nothing “special” about you at all, if you were ultimately nothing to the universe, then I must also be nothing<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The only thing I can fall back on is the timeframe i’m looking at, in the scope of the ancient universe anything is possible<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Patterns formed and unformed, may form once again in the distant future!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They say it was impossible in the first place, so it is mathematically more likely to happen again now<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For now mum lives on my head, as real as ever, as if she were just at home, waiting for me to call<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meanwhile the world keeps on rotating like a tire of a Tesla 18-wheeler crushing your skull as it’s AI dispassionately runs you over<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Mum’s death didn’t feel like i expected it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":57,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-56","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-death"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=56"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":58,"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56\/revisions\/58"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/57"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=56"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=56"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.closertogod.net\/Mum\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=56"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}