One of the most important things you can do in life, is to always check your understanding. If someone says something to you, ask them if they meant what they said. If someone asks you a question, ask them if you understood correctly what was asked. If someone disses you, ask them if they meant to say that. If someone makes an assumption, challenge that assumption.

The worst thing you can do in life is to misinterpret what someone has said and live with that misinterpretation, or what’s worse act on that misinterpretation.

People find it difficult to always say what they mean the first time they say it, we are not perfect ourselves, and we should not make assumptions that others are perfect beings and always intend for something to come out the way it does.

You must never read too much into words, and fly off the handle because you are offended. Check first that what was said was meant the way you received it.

You must also not make assumptions yourself about others from a distance, we humans are shockingly bad at making assumptions correctly, and so we should always ask questions to check our assumptions.

I know it’s old fashioned and stupid training course pop psychology nonsense, but to assume really does make an ass out of you and me. Imagine asking someone a question about some intricate detail; to sound informed, only to have assumed wrongly and you sound like a frigging idiot instead! You will be embarrassed, they will be embarrassed. Things will not progress as they were intended.

If you find you are thinking that you know what was meant or how someone else wanted you to feel, then check with them. You really do not want to assume from second hand information either, this is where you have the absolute lowest chance of getting something right. Please go and talk to the person in question to ask if what you were told was correct, and if they had meant it. 9 times out of 10 there is a misunderstanding and you don’t want to put hurt pride above finding out the truth.

If you find that you are someone that makes a lot of assumptions and does not ask questions, then maybe you’ve learnt that it is wrong to ask, this is perhaps because of how people react to your questioning. Maybe you feel your only option is to make an educated guess. However this is wrong, instead of getting defensive and letting your ego get the better of you, think about how to ask them a better question, and then go and ask it.

Good questions are often open ones to begin with and then narrow in on a particular point through further questions. You must never start with a closed question assuming that you know already what’s going on in someone’s mind, you most likely will not and risk looking like a fool by asking about something else.

It may be hard to ask a difficult question, but believe me if you don’t, and you run with an incorrect assumption, things get so much worse for you down the road, and you’ll wish you sucked it up back when you had a chance and asked that tough question. It will all look so easy in retrospect, and you’ll remember how good things were before you messed up, but there will be nothing you can do now!

So start big and open and gradually move in slowly with your questioning. The attention you give someone in this manner will also make them feel respected as a bonus. Where as asking a dumb question based on an incorrect assumption will most likely anger the other person.

Learning how to question others is as important or maybe more important than being a good listener, and as before, making assumptions is something you should never do. This is the arena where con artists play, and you do not want to be vulnerable to a scam.