Jane 12/05/21:

My mind seems to have been off on one again lately. It’s like being taken over, no control but you know it’s coming from source so put up no resistance. But this time I was able to be both experiencer and observer simultaneously. To be honest I feel like I’ve been on some kind of surreal crazy rollercoaster ride for the past 6 years since I got online and I really couldn’t get my head around it all to make sense, Rabbit hole stuff! So I had asked source just delete all to help me find equilibrium again.

Since my mission ended and I stopped having to project my time and energy into the matrix I am drifting further away from it but I guess that’s inevitable. At least the focused energies causing OCD of my mind that was plaguing me for all those years seems to have gone 🙂 What has been interesting is that I think I understand now that inability to communicate that I perceived as an invisible force stopping me from “speaking” all those years ago. 

I described it at that time as being autistic – like as my only known conceptual understanding of my experiencing but I get it a lot better now. It’s because my mind/conscious awareness is in a state of detached neutral observer. A point outside of duality aka matrix box from which there is basically unconditional acceptance and allowance of all that is, as it is. So in that state of mind there is actually no self volition to speak of. I have no self will. Unless it be God’s will so I am not in control. I can only go with the flow….
I learned a lot about autism and find it interesting that Elon Musk has said he has Asperger’s, a condition on the autistic spectrum.

https://youtu.be/sbWRpNX75fc[https://youtu.be/sbWRpNX75fc]

Laz 12/05/21:

I can relate to the “will” aspect of that 🙂 I was forcibly put into the position of learning about autism a few years ago when I had to manage people with ASD and the company did not help in any way other than telling me not to get us sued!!! I did a lot of study and practiced what I learnt to great effect 🙂  

Jane 12/05/21:

That must have been a difficult and extremely complex situation. Talk about passing the buck! But you rose to the occasion. Such people are not easy to deal with, bless them. Talking of management, my daughter started her new position in management this week and I am so impressed with her techniques, she’s really considering the holistic aspects of her teams including in their mental health and wellbeing, she’s going down a storm. I told her a happy workforce that feels appreciated is a productive workforce.

She was having anxiety and panic attacks a couple of years ago now she’s taking control of everything. Lol. The power of the mind 🙂 I did a lot of study and practiced what I learnt to great effect 🙂 It’s amazing what life throws at us as a learning or teaching opportunity. 

Laz 12/05/21:

I’m pleased for your daughter, that’s the right way to go 🙂 These managers that won’t do anything they are not told to do, and don’t care about people are very numerous and horrible to work under 🙂

With respect to ASD, the thing that I spot from a mile away now, is the sales pitch for autism, and I hate it as I know the truth. It only paints half a picture, and the negative parts are all left out 🙁

Jane 12/05/21:

Can you elaborate on this please?

Laz 12/05/21:

So Autism then! Here is a typical advert for autism: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrSGoK7jl2M

What it doesn’t cover:

– How disruptive people with ASD can be. They can be be loud and obnoxious and keep going too far without realising it. They upset the team around them too, and sensory overload can result in explosions of anger and it’s not like a one on one between employee and manager. The other people around don’t know how to deal with it, and typically take things as disrespect and get upset themselves. Neurotypicals tend to fight against autistics and get angry themselves. People also start making shit up to get rid of the autistics!

– How long it takes for them to form new behaviours, and how easily they forget. I spent every day for a week trying to get Mr M to write a test. Every day he forgot how, and i’d show him again, offer him support documents, and showed him how to view other tests to copy. I ended up writing down each step and printing it out for him to have on his desk. they also tell the same jokes and stories every day like they are new.

– How hard it is for them to understand jokes in the office. Innuendo and subtle irony are taken literally and they cannot understand, I can’t even remember examples now because things we take for granted in speech they just don’t get. Similarly Mr A thought he was in a pub atmosphere all the time and couldn’t stop himself behaving like he was with a group of friends on the piss, even in meetings with upper management.

– How when they have a meltdown everyone knows about it. So loud and violent with no holds barred. So getting distressed equals chucking things, screaming and stomping out the office. Which puts everyone in the team on edge, daily and they suddenly don’t want to be in the team.

– How they crave repetition and get stuck in it. Having a strong memory once something has finally stuck is one thing, but then not being to ever deviate from that set of steps is infuriating, along with our using different terms for the same thing makes them mad, such as going to the beach vs going to the coast, vs going for a swim in Bournemouth. 

– How they get anxiety and hide, sulk, get depressed. When they get upset at the same thing every day, and no matter how much you reassure them they get all sulky and stop working, every day!

– How they can’t do simple tasks without support. Even if you’ve done all the steps and they think they can remember a task, they still ask questions all the time, and cannot just get on with it, and need to be baby-sat all day. 

– Oh and unwavering trust in people they shouldn’t trust as well. Mr A was always getting ripped off, by salesmen or girlfriends. He just didn’t think that people would try and cheat him!

I know they say that if you’ve met one autistic, then you’ve met only one autistic! But I had three in my team and they all shared common attributes as above. 

Everybody around a person with ASD need training and support, and companies just don’t care about that part 🙁

Jane 13/05/21:

Well I certainly agree that there is not much correlation between what is portrayed in that video and your experienced reality 🙁 Like alternate universes. I agree Introducing that concept was a “sales pitch”  it was a plan not thought through. The clue is in the word “spectrum” within a vast range of limited abilities and social skills. As you say everyone dealing with it needs training and support or else they themselves are being long term exposed to their own mental health issues.

Laz 13/05/21:

If you watch enough of those promotional videos, they are all the same, and never ever mention the down sides of autism in the workplace. 

Jane 12/05/21:

But I do think that if that was not said in jest that it was for you not to get them sued if things went wrong was way too much pressure and unethically passing the buck quite honestly. I knew how difficult it could possibly be for you with having to deal with that kind of human but what you was dealing with sounds a pretty different degree of “the autism spectrum” than those that were portrayed in that video, as in… basically they makes these very circumstances a nightmare for all concerned.

Plus to have 3 of them under those conditions as you say was not fair on them or the co workers,  it would also be enough long term to develop a traumatic type of stress disorder in you! I understand the concept of trying to integrate people without discrimination but that put everyone into a no win situation. Because they couldn’t see the complexity from the bigger picture. They couldn’t see the wood for the trees.

That really was an absolutely ridiculous set up, all of those issues should have been picked up by proper assessments or as ongoing issues. Plus…..Three times over! Like you say they just don’t give a shit about any of the employees mental welfare. Again it is the herd mind that believes everyone needs to integrate into the matrix and has to be productive with employment when I am certain that some of these people are just not suited or able. I know for example as you identified, what that degree of hypersensitivity to light, stimulation and sound feels like and how it can reach a point that puts you into a kind of meltdown that you cannot control. The only solution is to be out of the environment.

Laz 13/05/21:

It is a particular type of organisation, dare I say a liberal one, that does this. It was their politics that ultimately caused me to leave, and I have one regret which was trying my best for them while I was there because I and everyone else were basically abused.

Jane 12/05/21:

Hopefully Laz, as your generation will take over from the low level conscious stale old farts of the older generations they will bring in a new vibrational energy to earth/humans.  One that just quite naturally resonates at a higher love and light level that simply  …”CARES”… with eyes that are seeing and ears that are hearing to the point of Understanding!  

Laz 13/05/21:

I’m afraid that I don’t see things this way 🙁 The recent Covid saga has shown me how many are “Pro The System” and how few are against it. I often think about Pink Floyd’s The Wall as a metaphor for society and how so many humans are caught up in simply reinforcing and building that damn wall, and then there’s me and a handful of people stood outside of it watching, looking up at it and trying to change it. I don’t think we ever will and I take solace in the Evangelical Christian view of the world in that planet earth is the dominion of Satan, and we are here to prove our goodness, and not to win at any earthly pursuit. Resistance here is victory in God’s Kingdom beyond this world!

Jane 12/05/21:

I have watched my daughter wake up and go into action. If she is an example of the future then I know that it is a generation that is starting from their own path within themselves. ..first. via 

-mindfulness. 
-Self empowerment 
-Believe in themselves 
-Find their purpose 
-And all in peaceful and harmless vibrations 🙂

Ok so you had this as “an actual factual experience” in the matrix so I am putting myself into your perspective now of what you were dealing with as in the low vibrations of it all and stress you must have been under. Like the constant physical negative vibrations, the kind you can “feel” in the room that brings everyone down. Then the mental pressures. Anticipation of it all kicking off at any point in time. The unstable emotions from all parties. It must have been like living in some kind of energy of daily dread? Question: how long did this go on for?

Laz 13/05/21:

3 years, give or take a couple of months.

Jane 12/05/21:

Did this experience affect you psychologically? It must have affected your daily life? 

Laz 13/05/21:

So I liked the people, Mr M, Mrs N, and Mr A were all nice and each had their talents. I took it as a growing and learning experience which will stand me in good stead for the future, indeed I put it on my CV now as a skill. Psychologically it seemed to affect Ali more than anyone, as I was spending my evenings learning about Autism and she was ranting about how I shouldn’t have to put up with it!

Jane 12/05/21:

Did it cause you yourself anxiety whilst it was ongoing? You must have been stressed to hell? 

Laz 13/05/21:

The worst anxiety I suffered was not in dealing with the ASD folks, but in dealing with my manager, and those neurotypical employees that were complaining and actually stirring up trouble in the office. I saw my time with the Autistics as an adventure 🙂

Jane 12/05/21:

Did you get affected mentally or do/did you detach from it all? 

Laz 13/05/21:

I was mostly detached, although the constant repitition of it day after day wore away at my patience a little

Jane 12/05/21:

So, would you say you are mentally strong or do you still have mental vulnerabilities?

Laz 13/05/21:

I came out of my Kundalini experience as a much stronger person, largely due to the heights of perspective gained, and how little the trivial things which upset most people matter in reality

Jane 12/05/21:

Are you an emotional person? 

Laz 13/05/21:

About some things, yes. I have hot buttons like everyone, but I’m working on myself constantly and minimising those events.

Jane 12/05/21:

If so, how do you deal with your emotions?  

Laz 13/05/21:

Again it’s mostly about having that outside view of things, and asking myself actually how much does this matter?

Jane 12/05/21:


If not, would you say that you are you over all past trauma? 

Laz 13/05/21:

I don’t think i will ever be completely healed, but definitely stronger than before 🙂

Jane 13/05/21:

I am just curious about this statement. Do you still have unhealed trauma? Is it related to your mental health/spiritual experience? What makes you think that it will never completely heal?

Laz 13/05/21:

Yes, related to both. There’s this idea in Castaneda’s philosophy of the Yaqui where you are shielded to the worlds forces by innocence. Once you lose that innocence, your shields to the world are gone, and now you are alone and have to find ways of protecting yourself from the onslaught of the grown up world (the desert of the real to borrow another philosophy from Baudrillard) In this new realm you at the mercy of evil every day, and we have spoken about the tests we face. That is the part which cannot heal, and I don’t think it is meant to. 

Jane 12/05/21:

Have you noticed how our intensely our mental strength is developed?  By being tested over and over…

Laz 13/05/21:

Being put through tests day after day after day, does that doesn’t it. Good wants to check I’m still on board, and evil is always trying to turn me! It does get easier though, and I find I quite enjoy being good in a wicked environment, like the reverse of setting the cat among the pigeons! I love how wicked people flee when none pursue but they know that they are being watched!

Jane 12/05/21:

Your emails have given me an “impression” of you. If I have got it right? 

Laz 13/05/21:

I don’t know if email is a valid form of gaining an impression of someone’s totality, but you have a snapshot in time 🙂

Jane 12/05/21:

I understand accountability and potential litigation on a professional level. I understand competency and advocacy as well as the stress of such responsibilities. 
What strikes me the most, as in stands out to me, is the facts that whilst you were experiencing a gross injustice in this, yet you still had the full recognition of the truth from an unbiased perspective, this being the only way you can see all sides. And you did see all sides with that non judgmental awareness you could see the bigger picture. On this whole “drama”, if I may call it that.. lol. you detail the facts with perfect balanced perspectives whilst still functioning in the drama. That is a rare ability 🙂

Laz 13/05/21:

Thank you Jane.

Laz World