Jane 01/04/21:
Something else that is interesting that I noted from my path. I used weed for 7 years up until the main 40 day episode. In that moment I stopped everything! Including smoking weed. Those 40 days I was free from any chemicals or drugs. The first 10 days was also fasting. Then I started drinking instead. I was off weed for about 18 months.
During that time I now know that the “pathway” in the brain/mind that the weed had set down was having to be recreated without the weed. Like naturally as taught by the weed ally. It was my husband actually that encouraged me to use it again as I thought it was in the past behaviour. The first hit I had was like…So I am just curious as to what was your experiences with weed like? How many times did you used it?
Laz 01/04/21:
I used it recreationally for many years; grass, resign, bud. My favourite was White Widow which I don’t think is actually cannabis. It was strong stuff.
I’ve documented various uses, but in general I think it didn’t do much for me, and I had stopped by the age of 30 when I got married. If I’m being kind towards it, it solidified and maybe brightened experiences I’d previously had but didn’t do anything really apart from making me a rebel! It doesn’t really have that image any more.
http://www.closertogod.net/thoughts/mindbodydetail/BestPot.htm
http://www.closertogod.net/thoughts/mindbodydetail/egodeath.htm
http://www.closertogod.net/thoughts/mindbodydetail/fightback.htm
http://www.closertogod.net/thoughts/mindbodydetail/awaken.htm
Jane 01/04/21:
Wow, that’s really interesting. Thanks for sending links I find it hard to search websites. You were quite the experimenter yourself! I kind of perceived you as more “goody goody ” than you actually were. Lol. You look so innocent. But that’s because you are!
I gathered that it was making me see from perspectives other than my own ego’s. That being unable to communicate struck a chord with me. So it was a phase in your path too? I think it can be a pre trigger for some people. Like a taste of things to come naturally?
Laz 01/04/21:
Not sure about a phase, it is me! I can see the stupidity of peoples actions, and the dramas they play out, and I don’t want any part of it. I do not seek to ingratiate myself with anyone, and I don’t want people trying to lick my arse, so I am isolated. I communicate well with like minded people and have some fun with it. But if anyone starts talking to me about football or soaps, or heaven forbid The News. I clam up and don’t want to speak to this person any more.
Jane 01/04/21:
Of course some people are just not suited to it. Or cannot handle it. White widow, yes nice stuff! Lol. It’s skunk weed. My son in law has just told my husband today that his mate has some really strong stuff he is selling so I am looking forward to trying that out. Lol. I like connoisseur growers. I never used to have that luxury.
I found it interesting when researching the history of cannabis, it used to be quite mild, the resin and low grade weed buds. Until humans decided to hybrid it up! Raise it’s potent energies. I saw that as a correlation between the progression in the evolution of human consciousness, and the advanced cultivation of the plant.
New York have just become the 13th state, I think it is to legalise it, I think Americans of all human beings, need that chill the fuck out vibe. Lmao.
Laz 01/04/21:
Yes, if the Americans could be more like the Dutch, we’d all be better off 🙂
Jane 02/04/21:
Yes it is the drama (you may say dharma) of life for those around us. Plugged fully in to the “bullshit world” but that is life! The microcosm I take it you see that from a planetary perspective as well? The macrocosm I think a lot of people are starting to.
From that overall detached angle I see complete and utter lunacy and idiocracy. The likes of which for spiritually awakened beings (those with eyes to see and ears to hear) it is like watching a world in a mass psychosis! I am sure that it is even unnervingly so for many. I find it fucking hilarious.
Laz 02/04/21:
I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie “They Live”, but that illustrates the difference perfectly 🙂
Jane 02/04/21:
I have not seen the film but just had a quick look. I had that very concept in my mind last night. Thinking how most people are seeing through glasses darkly, as the bible put it. I was thinking how just a change of lenses would alter their perspective on the world. Paradigm shifting glasses. Lol. That showed the concept perfectly.
Not seeking to ingratiate yourself with anyone is the same as I saw the test passed concept of being….beyond corruption. That quality that makes you absolutely dependable. (but for source, not man). Isn’t it strange how the mind can no longer tolerate the mundane. Literally! It’s because the vibrations coming from it are so low it cannot catch our interest or even eventually awareness.
Laz 02/04/21:
I chuckle when in work my personal “no corruption” policy upsets people, and I mean really gets them wound up. I’ve had it happen a good few times now and it actually drives me on in opposition to their will to corrupt me too. It’s so funny when you say it, and they deny it, and won’t address it, and can’t even speak of it, and make excuses for it. They know deep down it is wrong but they are programmed fools. It is all backwards in our society at the moment!
Jane 02/04/21:
My mind just wanders off….And it is microcosmic (individual humans) and macrocosmic (the collective/planetary) if it’s not the mundane stuff it is authorities spouting their own opinions as expertise about things they know nothing about. In short, I realise that everyone seems to be talking shit! It’s fucking ludicrous. Well it is from an extraterrestrial perspective. ..So I am isolated.
That is when you know beyond doubt you are an alien…Do you think there are others, like us? Lol. I actually think that in the progressive evolution of consciousness it could be described as a kind of mass “paradigm shift” or “quantum leap” that some humans are maybe experiencing? Isn’t that the whole concept of the “rapture”? Not physical but symbolic as is all scriptures.
Laz 02/04/21:
I’ve not thought about a metaphorical rapture before, in my mind this is only a physical removal from the planet, I made a photo of it a few years ago:
Jane 02/04/21:
I love that picture, that’s exactly how I felt….still do. Lol. I honestly believe that star children are born awake. So even if they get closed down somewhat by life I think they can more easily be just nudged by a simple spark in the right direction.
I am happy and content with my own company, if I want a laugh recently I will join the IT crowd. Lmao. In terms of my efforts of communication with others, I see my daughter maybe once a week, she can understand and relate to me on some level and she in turn is always so enthusiastic about her new found confidence, that has lead to her getting a promotion, demanding her worth and moving forwards so I love our conversations. She took back her power. Since that “trigger” blockage removal, from her subconscious mind she has soared. It is absolutely wonderful to see. You mentioned a concept of a “non religious psychological method for recovery”, that is exactly how my daughter did it. That is the modern way without the religious cultural bullshit that they all wrap around God’s true word.
What I found interesting is that as an atheist parent my daughter never got religion fed to her, she went off on a path of self awareness through psychology. On line intense professional level to find herself. People call this awakening spiritual but we have multiple bodies/realms/seats of conscious awareness. Whatever you want to call them.
Laz 02/04/21:
Well done to your daughter 🙂
Jane 02/04/21:
The physical, mental, emotional, psychological, intellectual, spiritual, higher mental, divine parts of our being. They are all awakening in people. My husband bless him,…….still fast asleep! I unconditionally love him so it’s no big deal I do seem to have had some affect on him but he’s not going to change. He seems very happy so that’s fine. The crazy thing about it is that would have been me, still, had I not started using weed. Had I not “LISTENED” … It’s amazing really to think back now that the first “word” dropped like an arrow into my mind, like you know it’s that first contact from the higher self and as I think I have previously said I had to look up because I had absolutely no idea what it even meant! “shamanism”
I didn’t use it recreationally, for me it was always about the set, settings and with spiritual intent and alone. It was the way for me to find my own inner healer, therapist and teacher. Same thing I guess but just different methods to that eastern chi reiki concept about the hara. I guess there really are many ways but the same results?
Laz 02/04/21:
It’s interesting that you place so much emphasis on weed, I cannot now looking back see it as a trigger for me, maybe an embellishment, but not the origin. I think my origin was migraine headaches with their weird visuals.
Jane 02/04/21:
As the generation of baby boomers it took a stick of dynamite to wake me up! I had a lot of balancing to do. The weed started my balancing process early on, my sacral chakra was so out of whack. I had become sexually frigid in my marriage until I found weed. Lol. That was like a miracle change in itself for my husband. Lol But yeah, it has played a huge role for me.
Laz 02/04/21:
I fully believe that I was born awake and all this world ever tried to do was shut me down. But for whatever reason, stubbornness or karma? I kept popping back up and refused to stay down when told!
I don’t think it is that is true of everyone, for some they must want to pop up but feel constantly squashed, and for others I don’t think they even know to stand up, they are just dumbed down slaves 🙁
Jane 02/04/21:
Funniest thing tonight was watching moss invent that bra. The very idea, even hearing the word “bra” made him pass out. (Subconscious issue) But his motivation and intent for the invention was to help Jen out with her discomfort. by the laws of physics and chemistry combined, he had “inadvertently” come up with a spontaneously self combusting bra. As above, so below. It was genius.
Laz 02/04/21:
“As a woman. As a worker. As a woman worker, who works in the workplace” 😀 I love the IT crowd and it was such a shame it finished 🙁
Jane 02/04/21:
Can you please do me a favour. I was drawn to your entry of 2/12/04 AWAKEN. It is divided into sections. From: “I am so worried this feeling will leave me” To “it’s gone”.
I found that statement you made in that piece, quite profound.
” How do you spot the games players? I guess you’d have to live with one. How can I tell if someone is lost in the blue of themselves? It is revealed in their distance”
Can you go through each section and elaborate on all of this if you can please. Thanks. Just curious….lol.
Laz 02/04/21:
I’ll try, that was from about 10 years prior to an actual awakening:
“I am so worried that this feeling will leave me…”
I feel that I have woken up this day a new person, and I mean that in both senses of the phrase. I have shed this old, heavy, rain sodden coat. I’ve stripped down the torn and ragged clothes that I wear underneath, and I stand before this world; naked and shivering in awe.“… I don’t want it to…”
I think I actually woke up thinking this, maybe following a night of drinking or smoking with friends. I was feeling something new was coming my way, it was the dawn I could see where my delusions about our world and the human condition were falling away. It was the beginning of growth from adult to – elder?
Jane 03/04/21:
This is an interesting way to put it. There is the stage in all cultures when boys are initiated into adulthood. Whereas here you were initiating into sagehood.
Laz 03/04/21:
I look back over the last few months of my life and I think I was going mad. Quietly, softly, and internally. My inner monologue was playing games with me and I was not seeing things as they are.
“…How can I hold onto that which shall surely fade…”
Trying to think now what was happening in December 2004. I had visited my prior German home that year while on holiday, hadn’t yet proposed to Ali but we were living together. Looking back at my photos, I think that was before I had a digital camera even, so that’s a dead end. I don’t remember any specific madness, but At work I was crusading as usual, holding corruption to account, and being abused for it.
I wonder if drugs are a part of the problem? I got drunk last night and that seems to have brought me out of the game, but does getting drunk and smoking pot put me there in the first place?
While they seem to bring clarity and knowledge, maybe that could be again part of the problem. I keep thinking that this could still be just another part of the game, that I am just playing at being clear headed and sane!
Jane 03/04/21:
Well for me….All I can remember is that I was lost deep deep inside a reality portal of crazy town in my 40 day experience in December 2004/5. This …Only thinking about it right now, in real time I dont think maybe I ever came back out!?!?!?!?..🤔🙄😳🤔☺🙂😆
Laz 03/04/21:
“…How can I remember this feeling in the months to come…”
Oh, there it is, I was drinking with friends 🙂 I would say to some extent the drinking culture is a salve for most people and it allows them to cope with the madness all around and briefly on the weekend forget the shite they have gone through in the week. Clearly it was having the opposite effect on me. And maybe for me there were other things goin on within me!
It strikes me that I am not alone in this game playing. People around me must be doing it all the time. Surely by the very fact that I do it; others must also be playing games with themselves.
How do you spot the games players? I guess you’d have to live with one. How can I tell if someone is lost in the blur of themselves? it is revealed in their distance.
“…I can feel it going…”
The waking up with new insight happened a lot to me, and I remember many of my revelations occurring as I wake. For a while I did get into the routine of waking up with inspiration at like 3am and I’d have to go and write things down on a nightly basis.
Jane 03/04/21:
This was your inner teacher 🙂 They are avid sleepworkers and nightworkers. My daughter wakes up now recognising when hers are active. Higher self activity.
Laz 03/04/21:
I would say that this recognition I was having was a premonition of what was to follow, a taster if you like 🙂 I had obviously pegged Ali as a game player here, and she continues her self destructive patterns to this day 🙁 I would say that one can see if someone is lost in the “blur” by the conversations you can have with them, if you can deep dive with them on big topics that is an indicator of the opposite from most, and I value these conversations. If instead they change the subject, say “I don’t know” a lot (Ali does this), or if they laugh at you and call you a nutter, then you know they are on the wrong path.
Jane 03/04/21:
I get what you are saying and I feel the same way but I wouldn’t say they are on the “wrong” path, just a different one from us. Their own individual path It’s all a matter of perspectives. My mind just cannot not see non-duality anymore. right/wrong is just part of that duality.
Laz 03/04/21:
On the paths thing, I can’t accept that selfish and lazy behaviour, or denial and ignorance is an acceptable path that is equal to my own. These characteristics are universally bad, surely? It just makes people angry and unkind victim-bullies.
Certainly you can see people physically distancing themselves from you when you go down the rabbit hole, and you start spending less time with them.
Do some people never come out of it? Realise that what they were doing is a joke? It’s possible, probable even.
Jane 03/04/21:
Our vibrations/frequencies start to raise once we awaken and as we change on the path intensify, if our partner is not on the same spiritual quest of life the vibrations between the two go out of synch with each other. Our energies automatically lose the magnetic attraction and quite naturally start to repel each other. We don’t gel as much anymore, eventually we start vibrating on different frequencies altogether. The lower level vibrations find the higher ones equally as intolerable as vise versa. It’s like you have nothing in common anymore apart from the love that brought you together and the shared created offspring. Lol. If there isn’t enough patience, acceptance, tolerance and love then basically it’s the divorce courts! Lol Laz
03/04/21:
I can accept the frequency range concept, and non duality from a judging point of view, but when people turn on others it is not acceptable because I/we have to interact with them. I have always stood up for the oppressed and spoken truth to power, I can’t escape this shepherding mindset.
Laz 03/04/21:
“…It’s gone.”
Well this is my father. Super intelligent, super practical, yet a complete slave to the system. He will never snap out of it, I know, I’ve tried many times. But he feels his opinion is not valued, not worthy, and instead is just a worker bee that must do as he is told. We barely speak these days. I keep thinking what can I possibly say about him at his funeral, I don’t have anything nice to say about him and what I want to tell the congregation is not what they will want to hear. I tried a few years ago to get him to write a book, maybe an autobiography but he wouldn’t do it. Said nothing interesting ever happened to him, which is crap. What frustrates me is that his father was a writer, and I am, so this need can’t have skipped a generation!?!
Jane 02/04/21:
Sorry just to clarify my mistake. To make sure you are aware. You said…..lost in the blurr of themselves. Not as I quoted blue of themselves. Lmao. Just realised, it’s actually the same thing.
Laz 02/04/21:
Hmm, lost in the blue vs lost in the blur. Lost in the blue to me suggests flight and getting lost playing in the blue sky. Lost in the blur to me suggests an earthly foggy blind fumbling!
Jane 02/04/21:
The term blue as in being made to feel so miserable.
Laz 02/04/21:
Ah! yes, the i’m feeling blue thing 🙁
Jane 03/04/21:
Feedback…..Sorry my mind can take some time to process properly. So it can take a while for me to fully and effectively respond. I don’t have control over the way my mind processes, I have no control, period! It goes on automatically, effortlessly you could say, but only in it’s own time so please just excuse any delay in our communications 🙂
Laz 03/04/21:
No worries on the wait, we have no pressures to get through our conversations for any deadline 🙂
Jane 03/04/21:
I sometimes feel like I have a quantum like computer brain, but as a human mind “listening” and with all bodies/realms/dimensions functioning and experiencing simultaneously and at a quantum level? I mean fuck it’s beyond my comprehension other than I am not “human” lol. But I know I’m just doing source’s will so…whatever! Lol.
You say that weed wasn’t a trigger for you but rather maybe an embellishment but not the origin so it seems the pot and drink were gradually opening your eyes over the years you used it by escaping through it at the weekend? With the allys in both showing you the matrix by as you say allowing you to escape it for a short while. That’s how it felt for me, at first.
Do you accept your father for who he is now? You sound a bit frustrated by his inability to do what you and your grandfather obviously have a natural gift in? Does the emotional distance between you hurt you? I am referring to what you say about his funeral. It doesn’t sound like he had the rebellious nature that you possess. The reason for that and his lack of ambition could be the military mindset. Do as you are told! Obey! He probably played that card out, reflectively on you and your brother as kids? My husband has an almost simplistic robotic mindset to me, but he joined the military at 17 so I completely understand it. I used to tell him with my reasoning and he now accepts what I say that the military has brainwashed his mind. Lmao. Bless him. He is 70 years old now with a fully plugged into the matrix but contented ignorance.
Laz 03/04/21:
With my father I let it be, he’s one of the victim-bully drones, his answer to any question is always no, and he always has his head in a book and is unapproachable. Yes to the brainwashing, and to the emotional stunting in him. He never has any opinion, or thoughts on anything, be it politics or religion, or human nature, and it is his view that no-one else should either. He’s quite horrible to my mother these days, and I don’t often speak to him, although they’ll both be over later for a cup of tea in the garden, so they can drop off Easter eggs for the kids.
Jane 03/04/21:
That’s because it’s not equal to your own. Far from it. It’s like two completely different levels. I am just saying that everyone has a unique level, or range of coconsciousness they are equipped with. Like a radio transmitter/ receiver, if they are not tuned into the frequencies they cannot pick them up. It’s just not possible. Some people are attuned to just the 3D, some both 3 and 4D it all depends on the ability and expansion of conscious awareness. This was the point of the parables being multi level in their understanding. One for the masses and another for disciples. I forgot it was Easter, lol.
Laz 03/04/21:
Drink was the opposite for me, always. It was to shut things out rather than open me up. Weed was different and it seemed to pull things out of me that i’d not fully explored, like unravelling a knitted sweater by tugging on one thread.
I had early indicators that something about my world wasn’t the same as other peoples, or at least they didn’t speak about it if it was the same.I had weird fevers as a kid and these came with hallucinations. I heard bangs in the house at night, saw bugs climbing the walls where there were none, and I felt like I had strings between my fingers, being pulled by someone else. that scene from nightmare on elm street 3 with the kid having his ligaments pulled form his hands and being operated like a puppet resonates with me.
Jane 03/04/21:
I like that description of it :)It sounds like your experiences were both frightening but at the same time intriguing. It’s difficult having non ordinary experiences as a child because you have no idea if it’s just you or does everyone have such experiences. Yours were pretty way out. I would agree that was the trigger for you not weed. That really is like access to being out of this world from childhood?
Laz 03/04/21:
Later when I was a teenager I started getting migraine headaches that would start with a visual hallucination.
Jane 03/04/21:
Ok, so this is interesting to me, you think your origin was your migraine headaches and their weird visuals….So can we focus on and explore that please? Tell me all about those times and experiences. I am now so fucking curious. Lol.
I had severe migraines for years I know how they felt and had to take a regular medication to prevent them. But I never experienced weird visuals? Like what kind of weird visuals? Or if is it easier for you if you just have any links on the subject from your webpages that you can send?
Laz 03/04/21:
There would be a small bright sparkly spot form in my vision that I couldn’t blink away, it would over 20 mins grow into a real distraction and become large and look like a portal to another realm. It was accompanied by worm like sparkles that would weave and tangle around each other. There are lots of drawings people have done online of the experience, and this one is quite accurate for one of the configurations i’ve had.
The scariest part of the hallucinations was that peoples faces would disappear for me, not any other part of them, but the details of their face would just become a skin coloured blur. I couldn’t look at people because of this while I was having them. After the hallucinations faded it was followed by the one sided headache, typically on my left side, and sickness. I found that they were brought on by either a smell or something I ate, and it was never the same thing twice. I came to the understanding that my body chemistry would get into a funny state once in a while, and then something would trigger it.
Jane 03/04/21:
So if others have recorded similar experiences does that make it a universal “symptom” of migraine or a universal type experience into another realm? It reminds me of string theory for some unknown reason? Lol
Jane 04/04/21:
Ok I think that maybe I need to point some things out. I don’t know specifically what you are dealing with in your life? your relationships? or how the people you have to deal with are towards you or affect you ? eg: ..”laugh at you or call you a nutter”? “Bullying”? Where does that come from? I feel I know you and your mind pretty well in both the intellectual and spiritual realms but I don’t know enough about your matrix realm world to have a true understanding of your circumstances or life.
I would not intrude on that but please just let me know if there is anything you ever feel you need to “chat” about. Just know that you can always confide in me, as I hopefully feel I could in you, after all, you couldn’t accuse me of not “listening” to you 🙂
I don’t want you to get me wrong in that I really am fully aware that this is the difference between my life and your life, basically that I don’t have to interact with any of it. Detached again, as cosmic observer, none of it affects me again anymore and that is what makes everything acceptable to me, but i do see the differences in the circumstances and perspectives this makes in both of our individual lives. I have left the matrix again…. I find that I am back inside my “bubble” nice place to be. But I recognise it again now as that strange paradoxical place where I am mentally similtaneously in both microconsciousness and macrococonsciousness. It seems to depend where I focus my awareness on? Seriously Laz, it may not always come across in emails but please believe me, I do get where you are coming from 🙂 And I am always here for you 🙂
Laz 04/04/21:
I love that you ask questions to find stuff out, and like that you can cross that boundary where most people will make an assumption and not ask 🙂
Please do not worry about me and anything i’m dealing with. I’m fine and coping with everything. My comments come from having to deal with people in my work and I guess observations of memories from pre-Covid.
It is my general opinion that most people want to dominate others, and this is where most of human issues come from, it is that play between the narcissist and the empath, and it happens in all aspects of our lives and is not always an angry telling off like “I told you to do the washing up and you haven’t done it!” for it can equally be something like “I love you so much” between the sheets compelling the other to respond. I wish that people could just enjoy each other and play nicely together 🙂
Jane 04/04/21:
Don’t ever assume To assume will make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”. Lol. I am glad you don’t mind my intrusive manner I am extremely curious in my nature and I don’t go round the houses to find out what I need to know. Lol. I like to know the nitty gritty because misperceptions come from partial perceptions and lack of information. Then it’s nothing more than a personal opinion.
Yes I know exactly what you mean about the mind games. I found it interesting that the brain activity of misery is the same as joy. People get the same hit from it even though the emotion is the opposite. Another interesting finding is that the devout nun has the same brain activity as the jihadi terrorist. It must be the activity of fanatascism? The complex mysteries of the human mind..
I think most relationships are manipulative in nature. Its ego love. On some level there is the play of what can I get out of this? Even marriage is just another game and not a healthy one in many cases. It’s a culturally instilled institution set up by society. I think the need to dominate in relationships comes from fear and insecurity of the dominator. It’s kind of pathetic really.