Jane 17/03/21:
You say that you had no problems with puberty, when my friend’s experience started at 33 he regressed in his maturity. He became very child like. He kept telling me he felt like he was going through puberty. He had trauma as a child, I think most of it was mental, he was hypersensitive, I saw him as a “starchild” yes! that innocent. It was in those very qualities that I saw something in him that was “special” truly divine and on the path. His parents were oblivious to the damage caused because it was psychological. This was happening at the age where a child’s ego develops. This is what sets up Borderline Personality disorders. He didn’t mature. I basically became his mother on top of every other role. I had absolutely no problem going through the menopause with balanced hormones 🙂
Gopi Krishnas autobiography blew me away how similar the experiences. You had the sex abuse/paedophiles thing too. I didn’t understand why this was coming up, I know others where it has too. It wasn’t coming from my subconscious, so why was it needing to be processed? and I had no experience of it. I believe as I have already said, it is in the collective. Do you think it could be part of the same archetype of evil?
Laz 18/03/21:
I was given an understanding that was hard to take as the truth, by an American talk show host. In short he said that it is used as a control mechanism by the elite for people wanting to climb the rungs of the power ladder, basically the higher you want to get the more evil things you have to do and the more compromised you must be so they have control over you and can at any time shop you in to the authorities such that you lose your position, money, freedom, life! So those at the top of any organisation are the most compromised and have done the most disgusting shit behind the scenes. On the surface they got there by their own merit but actually they were put there as an agent of evil. There are of course some exceptions, but this in general is how society is structured according to him.
Now I’ve no desire to find out what really goes on, but I know in the low elevations I have reached, this stuff already started being pushed upon me, if only in suggestion. Having kids of my own really seemed to bring it out in those around me, I was suddenly a commodity to be fought over, for access to my kids. It was horrible and It all passed the logic test I could imagine this being the case. Thankfully nothing ever happened.
Jane 18/03/21:
As we go through these archetypal paths then and defeat these dragons and demons, in our mind realms is that not the same as taking on the worlds sins? Through our very own path? and in doing so, lead by example?
I used to see it as a sign of madness when the TV is talking to you. But it still does to this day. And the messages are both heard and seen/read simultaneously because I have the subtitles on screen. I am reading this account, gripped mentally, intently in the flow where you are as stressed as hell, then something makes me laugh my arse off! but it’s just my detached sense of humour seeing it. You are in a state of hypervigilance, concern, worry, confusion. Then you state that your wife, “…. introduces me to Mars” I think “planet” and I know the psycho stuff is going on. How can I possibly not find that funny? Then laugh the next two times you mentioned her.
Laz 18/03/21:
Of course the TV talks to us, in the same way the spirits get into people they can be in the actors on TV. “They’re here!” says the little girl in the Poltergeist movie!
Jane 18/03/21:
I mean I am reading this as a serious subject. Sometimes I find this hilarious. Because I “get it”. You have your life story on a hard drive, I had no technology back then, couldn’t communicate so had to resort to “dear diary” aka talking to myself. There is no response from a diary. So I have 19 years of this written down on paper in diaries, piles of them. I don’t want anyone seeing it, because it is an ongoing evolving process, it would be snippets out of context that would make absolutely no sense to people. I know they sound like crazy town!
Holy shit Laz! Only now it is over can I reflect by going back to a bigger picture awareness to put the pieces together. I can’t explain what it is like to be so lonely that all you had was a diary, and god. There were moments that I realised that and I would sob my heart out, like real deep down to the core sobbing for a few minutes, then recover myself and carry on. It didn’t happen often I am perfectly happy in my own company. But when it did I begged God to just give me one friend, one living soul as someone to talk to who would “get me”. Then I forgot about it.
Laz 18/03/21:
I would say that god is not found in the highs of meditation and of euphoria of drug taking, but “it” (the entity that refers to itself as god) is found in the pits of despair. When you are in that mind state where all routes are blocked and you cannot find a way out, then a calling to god actually makes the connection. Well either that, or many will take their own lives rather than ask for god! but that is not us 🙂 God is found at the bottom of the well of sorrow 🙂
Jane 18/03/21:
My friend told me that was his cry to the universe too. I would jot down stuff when I experienced those psychic visions. I wrote key information or words in that way, years ago. “a lot Younger than me” , “gay”, ” I’d have to “impress” the mother ” 🙂 Then in another one I was going through it was the Adam and eve in the garden of Eden topic, and I wrote…” I am looking for Adam”. Years later I had completely forgotten this stuff, as you do, only the documentation is there to look back at now as I am getting the chance to reflect. So didn’t even realise this when I went on that website. God sent me the loneliness person on the planet. With huge responsibility.
I thank God I have a tablet. I have learned a great deal from my friend, he was a brilliant but damaged by the matrix mind. Bless him. I said to source, “I thought you had given me a soul mate level friend for life, I was 25 years older than him I did not expect to outlive him. you didn’t tell me I could only borrow him for 5 years”. He was the only human being on this planet that got me and I thought that I didn’t have a hope in hell of replacing him. What human mind could possibly understand me? He was an exceptional learner. On a spiritual level It just came so naturally between us there was never any effort required. Only a foolish teacher doesn’t learn knowledge and wisdom from their disciple. It works both ways.
Anyway, I obviously had to do that test, so all said and done, I don’t think we, you and I were ready for a connection back then? Maybe we both had a lot more to learn 🙂 I cannot believe that we even have the same exasperated expression… 🙂 I couldn’t grasp the situation of that God-shock moment I had, in the instance of losing my friend. I express myself in diaries as I said and I wrote the same as you “What am I going to do (God ) FUCK FUCK FUCK!”
Must be our way of trying to directly communicate with source when we are literally left lost for words! Now you can’t say that isn’t funny.
Jane 18/03/21:
The day the world went away , in its entirety. What a fascinating read. I couldn’t put it down….OCD at work 🙂 “Hovering witches riding on their broomsticks naked.” 😀 I could just imagine it. People say Kundalini is a female energy? I cannot say for sure, but I changed so dramatically and I used to be a very “masculine” personality so it would take a strong feminine one to work on me.
Laz 18/03/21:
Wow! You got through that fast! thank you for reading. I have part/year 3 to write still, it is a bunch of notes waiting to be assembled at the moment.
Jane 18/03/21:
It must have been very difficult dealing with different realms whilst functioning in the physical world of people. I didn’t have much of that, I could just go about my crazy mental realm in peace. If I had known that my 40 day/night experience was happening I could have warned my hubby. Instead I cut him off entirely. We went from having sex 3 times a week and being all lovey dovey to me seemingly totally rejecting him. I couldn’t understand it. I could barely look at him, even blowing kisses was gone. After 39 days of this he told me he had never felt so alone and unloved in his life! That broke my heart to think I was responsible. I told him I’d just been through a bad phase but was coming out of it again. I had been in a psychotic like state for nearly 6 weeks. Without a wink of sleep the whole time. That would kill a normal human being.
I had to be prepared to give up my family, I thought the aliens were going to take me literally! I grieved over it for about 2 weeks but was fully committed to doing it. Of course it didn’t happen I just had to show that I would accept it. A bit like Herod and his son, I suppose? I wasn’t losing them but I did detach a kind of distance from them, but I did with everything.
Laz 18/03/21:
Acceptance is the key isn’t it, that and surrender 🙂 I’ve found actually that it is a bit of a secret, and that when you are cool with the worst possible outcome occurring to you, it doesn’t seem to be what happens! Kind of like telling the truth when a lie may seem like an easier way out of a situation, it can often be far worse to lie and the consequences greater than telling the truth in the first place. I’m genuinely sorry that you went through the bad stuff too, it’s not much fun is it? but I guess in the best British traditions it builds character!
Jane 18/03/21:
Do you still beat yourself up about the tights thing? We are programmed into perceiving such things as weird fetishes. Taboo! But they are not. That is the guilt/judgment part of man’s egos. The rule in this is to do no harm, then it is nobody else’s business. We are sentient beings entitled to pleasure.
Laz 18/03/21:
I’m fine with the tights thing, and the whole kundalini experience has brought the balance of male and female into my existence.
Jane 18/03/21:
I read David Icke too as part of my learning. I don’t know if this will make sense, imagine the hologram projection, projecting different ray’s or dimensions. If you stop projecting one of those Ray’s within that, it disappears in manifestation. Well that 4D projection which is where these people pick this stuff up from, no longer exists to me. The collective is contained in this 4D projection. I am not saying that it is not a real thing for others because it is. It is contained in their realm of conscious awareness. Just no longer in mine. I transcended it. I used to believe in all of that shit, but this is why I can no longer take this kind of stuff seriously. It has also become an illusion to me.
Laz 18/03/21:
It is all illusion isn’t it, and it’s scary how much of it we imprint onto our children. I’m trying my best to not squeeze them into any particular way of thinking, but I know Ali has other ideas and is trying her best to imprint insecurity and fear onto them and there’s nothing I can do about that 🙁
Jane 18/03/21:
Yes, I had to do that when my hubby had cancer and then a heart attack. Accept it all. Then it worked out. I made flashcards. With mantras on them that i basically brainwashed my self with :)Like “accept and allow” “let go and let God” “I am surrendered to God’s will” initially that included ” I will never interfere in another’s path or life” that was obviously a temporary one 🙂 There was about 100 of them. I repeated them several times a day for months.I noticed that the energy behind the words changed once I had brainwashed myself and fully believed that was what I was doing. I suppose that is the point, to become the written word. Yeah the absurdity of this world and the people living in it…All you can do is laugh! and forgive them for they really don’t know what they are doing 🙂
Laz 18/03/21:
I’m in the middle of a code review at the moment and it’s ridiculous as the reviewer isn’t telling me what he wants so I’m trying to give him what he wants in terms of changing my code, but I’m not getting it right. In years gone by I would get angry and tell him he’s an idiot and he needs to be clear on what he’s asking me to do otherwise we’ll go round and round all day. But like you, I’m just laughing about it, it’s all worthless in the scheme of things and not for me to get upset about 🙂