Hello Laz, I am contacting you at this time because you are the only person I know that I can trust to be 100% open and honest with and reasonably sure you will understand what I am saying and hopefully won’t think that I am crazy if you do not. Sometimes I think I am an alien in this world and talking a different language. Maybe I am? And maybe I do? I will let you decide….God/Source is directing me to contact you : )
Please bear with me, I have a lot to tell you. I know this probably sounds crazy but I have experienced the novel you wrote in my real life. For the past 5 years I have been in the flow of a divine mission and at the very moment it ended I got a revelatory shock in my conscious awareness, like a mind blowing event . A moment in the mind when trauma and revelations hit simultaneously. There is nothing more shocking than being confronted by a completely unexpected, out of the blue, sudden death of someone you love, and share a mutual divine energy with. That love beyond most people’s human comprehension because it is so rare.
We had developed over years the perfect balance of a teacher/disciple relationship with equal and mutual respect, and in that shocking moment I remembered your story and its ending. I remember when I read it I had to ask you to explain it to me as it was such a bizarre concept for the ending of a story to me that I just did not get it. But your explanation and my understanding of your explanation ended up being the only way I could make some kind of conceptual sense of it all. So thank you for that.
I can usually transcend the emotions of grief, but this was different. In my distressed and confused state I wanted to contact you because I thought that as you were the originator and author (and therefore creator of the characters) and your mind conceived of such a concept, you could give me some guidance. I wanted to ask you if you had thought about how that loss would feel from the perspective of the character who had suffered the loss and how they would cope! But I couldn’t, I was left muted, my world had caved in. The only way to explain it to myself was “This is a God-shock!” I had lost what felt to me in energies, at that time a connection to my soul mate/disciple. a truly divine connection.
I was initially devastated, my first thought was that I must have let God/ Source down and failed in my mission. I cannot explain that feeling. It took a lot of deep processing to resolve because I thought that I was meant to be saving him? With much relief I am now back to balance and thankfully finally got my freedom of mind back.
Here are the facts….When I joined Website X, I felt like I was looking for someone? I did not know who or why. At the same time I met you as I had told you, I met someone else on Website X, from the USA. I immediately recognised he was dealing with serious problems. Mentally, spiritually, socially, in every single aspect of his life. Then things got rapidly and progressively worse. I shut everything else off and I have spent 5 years on a mission for God to help him because I have absolute surrender to the Source.
I had to literally prove by example, God’s unconditional love and commitment to a stranger I never met in person. He had been disowned by family and friends due to his mental illnesses/psycho-spiritual blockages and sexuality.. His root condition was caused in childhood. Homeless and unable to work. With no income or support with suicidal ideation, I was the only person he had to rely on, even financially. That mortified him the most and exacerbated his feelings of guilt and worthlessness despite my reassurances.
I have no attachment to money or materialism. I told him to look upon it as if it was coming from God. It was tragic. He was so innocent, naive and extremely vulnerable. A genuinely divine soul in desperate need of protection. His life experiences left him feeling so unwanted, unaccepted and rejected with the main trauma coming from the females in his life.. This caused a major energy imbalance between us that took years to build up trust. Simply because I am female. The shit people are subjected to and brainwashed with. The damage that is done in the subconscious mind.
I dealt with every psychosis and experience that he went through and having to witness the way he was being treated and from 3,000 miles away I can honestly say that this has felt like God watching his son be persecuted yet knowing there was no place for judgement or blame. I know now that I was being tested and it was at a higher level.
This wasn’t that low level ego testing we go through of WWJD. (What would Jesus do) testing for compassion, judgment, forgiveness, acceptance, allowance etc. unconditional human love. This was intense, complex, sustained, relentless moral and professional ethical testing of WWGD. ( what would God do)
I was absolutely rocked to the core when after 5 years of unrelenting striving we finally achieved this goal, then he died. Aged 38 bless him. That was the OMG moment and I thought of you and recalled your story. I know that everything happens for a reason and after the initial shock I could rationalise and see why it happened and the way it happened. We had such an intense connection I actually felt it happen in my physical being.
I experienced him leave, although I didn’t realise that was what it was until I found out the next day. I know by the energy experiences I had felt that we were connected at the heart and mind when it happened and that gave me great comfort and helped me to find closure. It has been two months now and I knew when I first met you any potential relationship/friendship was going to have to wait for divine timing. I had a job to do first. Now I am left confused, I ask myself is the test over? Is it OK for me to contact you now? Or is it still part of the test that I should be dealing with this myself and continue on in my own silence?
As seems to have always been the case since my path started when I left the matrix 19 years ago. And I know that it is nigh on impossible for people to comprehend or even believe that whilst they are themselves fully plugged into that matrix but I do not speak bullshit. I am in bed 24/7 have been for 19 years with withered legs and I am pathetically physically fragile, 95 % of my time is spent alone.
A good indication as to where my head is at, completely detached but I temporarily ground my focus when someone walks into my room. It takes a lot of effort and energy. Life is a state of mind and depending on the frequencies of resonance of the energy vibrations you give off from your mind determines that state. There are multiple dimensions and we are multidimensional beings. Outside my room doesn’t even exist to me in my normal conscious awareness in 3D.
I live in a microcosmic “bubble” of environmental awareness where the outside world doesn’t exist to me yet I study and “observe” the planet and humanity macrocosmically like a satellite. In the world but not of the world. In the physical realm/body I am not very active but my mind realm/body can be extremely active when doing God’s work/will as has been required for this mission. In fact it becomes like an obsession that I am unable to control. My mind has it’s own agenda whether I like it, or not. I am a servant of God.
I am not mentally grounded into the multiple, complex, many layered grids/circuits that make up the matrix. Eg: I am completely unplugged from the collective consciousness and subconsciousness of humanity. Yet I am fully aware of it’s contents because it used to be in my mind too as stuff that had to be fully processed and transcended for me to leave the matrix. It is as if the gravitational pull of the earth and matrix no longer has any effect on my physical or mental existence.
I am of that generation where I couldn’t use technology when I first left and became bedbound and initially had an autistic-like mind that didn’t make sense to me, I couldn’t communicate other than simple exchanges. so was entirely cut off from the world for 14 years before I went on Website X.
That was a major test in itself, the isolation at times was like torture, but that too turned out to be a blessing in disguise because in that insatiable thirst you get for spiritual information and knowledge when you first “awaken” it meant I had no people to influence me, I was in total isolation with no access to “google” engine so I had to find my truth within myself with no external influences.
When I look at the internet now and the misinformation being peddled in ignorance, boy am I glad I was not able to use technology. We are so psychologically and spiritually vulnerable when we first “awaken” because we have yet to learn the art of discernment. What fascinated me was recognising that the concepts of computer technology is a perfect analogy of the individual human mind/consciousness and on the collective the matrix is just one giant quantum super computer. My path was also greatly helped by the fact I started from the point of “atheism”…the perfect place for me to start. It meant I had no brainwashing religious bullshit to de-program.
All religions have a central core of God’s truth to them but it is wrapped up in the individual religions man made crap and nonsense. it was Christianity at it’s distorted worst that contributed to his psychiatric problems and made things much more difficult for me.
He saw the whole religion as being “satanic” by the way he was raised and treated and the examples he was shown. I told his parents they were typical Christian hypocrites. I suppose it’s unsurprising that they really did not like me…at all! Add individual cultural beliefs and the collective human mind into the mix and it becomes a quagmire for any mind and this stuff is almost impossible to be removed.
My mind was literally crashed, shut down and fully de-programmed of all of it back in 2005. When I had my major kundalini experience after I went 40 days with no sleep! Then it was reprogrammed via the language of light. No language or words required just light. Inside my head. Once I developed discernment, I could clearly see truth from falsehood.
I had studied all the religions and spiritual beliefs and sometimes practiced them for myself for a while, but I was not satisfied, they didn’t do anything for me, I discovered that all such beliefs, once fully comprehended from a rational and psychological perspective, could be transcended. I needed to know myself. I had an obsession with studying including psychology in humans and primitive instinctive behaviours from both a collective and individual perspective. You cannot experience the divine without understanding and accepting its opposite. The primitive baseness of humanity but where there is no shame. Accepting yourself in your wholeness.
Please don’t get me wrong, I honour and respect all religions and people’s beliefs. I think the lower the level of consciousness the more it is needed. Until a person makes contact with their own higher self they look outside themselves for a saviour, usually in a religion.
I know my life circumstances won’t change because I discovered that once you leave the matrix, it’s impossible to get fully back. Not that I would ever wish to. Once “seen”, the illusion cannot be unseen. It simply no longer exists in your conscious awareness so there is no focus.
I had to deal with his medical records as his advocate and what shocked me yet fascinated me at the same time is that from the western perspective of psychiatric testing protocol if done on myself, it would indicate serious mental disorders. LMAO…When I am actually super- sane, and could certainly teach the psychiatrists a thing or two about the correlations between mental illness and the human awakening process because the profession doesn’t seem to have much of a clue. I hope that makes some kind of sense because I am well aware that to other people the truth of my life sounds crazy because it is ineffable …It is really difficult to explain, being…”jane” : )
Anyway, this testing certainly dragged me back into sections of the matrix 5 years ago with laser-like focus in the USA by forcing me to become an officially registered advocate to get justice because he had absolutely no one supporting him in the USA. This meant me having to function and communicate on a professional level and deal with many people, doctors, hospitals, disability lawyers, and so many organisations it was like app after app being opened in my head.
These were unfamiliar systems in the US and ending up with me getting so frustrated at the idiocy I was dealing with I demanded that he be properly and effectively assessed by adequately qualified professionals at a legally required level of competence! I threatened to sue and complained so much as his advocate in his records before they finally admitted him to hospital under a Professor of psychiatry and things turned around. We were finally “heard”.
He was properly diagnosed and got some support. He had a bachelors degree, had worked hard and paid a fortune in taxes and qualified for government assistance but It was a nightmare trying to get him fair justice…. Absolutely insane! It was like banging your head against brick wall after brick wall. We think things are messed up here? It would have been a breeze for me to sort things out had I been dealing with this country’s systems and with our NHS services as I have done for people so many times before. But of course without that free at the point of service of our system, it’s all about the money in the USA. Their culture was a wake up call for me.
Then there is the incompetence. The term “idiocracy” perfectly sums up what I was dealing with from my perspective. Something I expressed to them in no uncertain terms. I was not popular….incompetent professional ego’s hated me because to them the truth hurts! But I had absolute confidence because God’s truth always wins out in the end but sometimes as I repeatedly pointed out, in complex cases it takes a higher intelligence, knowledge and qualified mind to see that truth, in this case Professor level.
His family just couldn’t or wouldn’t accept the truth either. They hated me the most! They just did not care about him at all! They were rich enough to help but just disowned him. It broke my heart. He felt let down by family, friends, his own country and government. They did not have an ounce of compassion or concern, no love there at all. And of course that was self evident to him. No love there at all in his world/life. That was the root cause of his problems.
That is what makes it so important to me that and I am so glad that I had the privilege to form that bond and generate the energies in order to give him that experience of what it means to be unconditionally loved. And I know for an absolute fact that he did. I now know that was the point of this mission. I did not fail.
I could clearly see the overall unbiased bigger picture perspective of the truth that others just couldn’t. Any kind of bias prevents that vision and in this world everyone has bias. It is part of duality. Until that is transcended when we reach the middle path.
If they don’t even have the level of consciousness that gives eyes that truly “see” or ears that truly “hear” people are left deaf, blind and oblivious. It is a literal case of…Forgive them for they know not what they do. It is usually due to plain ignorance, lower levels of consciousness, lack of knowledge or arrogance with no understanding of the consequences of their own incompetence. The levels of idiocy of some supposed intelligent people blows my mind.
What I “see” when I look at most human beings on this planet is automated mindless programmed robots but that is exactly why we need to forgive them because they really know not what they are doing! This has been a long hard fought battle and although I was left devastated by this tragic outcome I am certainly not sorry to be out of it all again. I have my mind back, all apps permanently uninstalled. It felt like a march into hell for a heavenly cause. I seem to lead a secret double life and one that my family are totally unaware of. Only made possible by my isolation. A great way for Source to test my professional knowledge and skills, yet again! ( Done that before as a test) but this time it was on another level and I knew I couldn’t give up. It just wasn’t an option. It was a “mission” for justice.
I reflect now and wonder how in God’s name did I do it? But that question in itself gives me the answer. I was being relied on entirely. Even for therapy, mental and spiritual counselling. Although that was a role that was always a pleasure : )
Sometimes I find that just writing stuff down allows me to express, process and let it go, it’s so difficult when you have no one to confide in but “dear diary”. He was the only person who on some level truly “got me” and understood my life as I understood his and was in a lot of ways including spiritually on my wavelength. Just a lower level of frequencies. Bless him, he tried so hard.
It just got more bizarre to me when I suddenly remembered in a flash back moment you had told me you had a dream about us, you and I making love but it did not register at that time not until the night before he died…he had the exact same dream…. can you imagine how gobsmacked I was? he was my daughters age and gay! But I do know that “Love” becomes more mysterious in every way the closer to pure Source it originates. It is an absolutely incredible energy. The most powerful force in the universe.
Do you remember when I told you that when I had met you both that things were being “triggered” but I was unsure about my direction, and you told me that you did not need me to be your “teacher”?
Well, looking at your website I can clearly see that you was right because, like me, it seems you are self taught. (self discovered) For some of us that is the only way. We don’t advance and progressively evolve by limiting ourselves to the old known ways, becoming sheep following another’s path or by sticking to the same old narratives. We have to cut our own path.
I will stop here because I am just testing the waters for your reaction and response. And I know that when I get going, I do tend to ramble on a bit….Thanks for listening to me Laz, I appreciate it. Sorry this email is so long but It’s been such a profound and surreal experience and I know that only you have the potential overall perspective and comprehension to understand it.
Thank you Jane, your account brought me to tears, and to a Kundalini surge!
I’m very sorry for your US friend and for your loss after so much effort. I hope that the universe has witnessed your helping him, regardless of the outcome the good work that you did still counts.
I can relate so much to your own growth, and of feeling like an alien. I was literally feeling the same thing the other day! I don’t think, or act like other human beings. I can understand them, and their motivations, and their idiocy, but they do not seem to understand me, not even my wife.
It is as if I am some other species. With all this covid overreaction nonsense going on too, I am so disappointed I cannot tell you, in mankind and how it is responding all around the world. It’s been a real eye opener to see the fear, the compliance, the attempted victimisation of anyone who does not follow the herd!
I’ve left the Organisation now, as they have stalled in their agenda, and instead become “woke”. I don’t know if you saw last year’s symposium online but they got in these people selling the 4th industrial revolution, and the great reset. I couldn’t stand it, but your writing reminded of the mental health profession and their lack of knowledge about spiritual growth. One of the videos I made for Website X was on this subject and I think it was long after we lost touch, I think we share the same concerns about these “experts”!
I cannot say if your test is over, but I know i’ve been in a wasteland of zero spirituality of late, back to square one as it were. So I was very pleased to receive your emails, so i’m more than okay to re-engage with you. This may have been the door i’ve been waiting to open in my own growth?
I also know well what you write about a thirst for knowledge which continues in me today, and the revelations keep on coming to me, growing my fruitful mind in this rotten world to see things from a perspective close to your own. Seeing obvious truth where others do not, is perplexing and a bit scary at times, especially when the truth leads to a dark place for us all. It may not surprise you that I reject these covid vaccines and the associated passport, and i’m likely to become a pariah to my family, my town, my country, and to the world, but thankfully for me, this is nothing new 😀
I left the matrix like you and while occasionally I have a Cypher “put me back in” moment, altogether I would not want to live with such ignorance as the majority hold dear. If i’m to be sent to the Gulag, then I won’t mind.
I am amused that you write about “marching into hell for a heavenly cause” as these lyrics have been on my mind too, and I wrote about it on twitter just the other day.
I hope I do understand you Jane, and I seek to learn more about your experiences, and I can tell you some more of mine from our absence over the last few years. I don’t mind you being crazy, because i’m there with you. But us village idiots are also the village sages!
Here’s some lyrics that you might not know:
“Now renegades are the people with their own philosophies
They change the course of history
Everyday people like you and me
We’re the renegades we’re the people
With our own philosophies
We change the course of history
Everyday people like you and me”
What a joy it is to have a decent conversation with a fellow alien : )It has been a long time.
Fellow aliens we are, and loving every minute of it 🙂
I laughed at the reference to the village idiots. Yes it does seem that we were on the same parallel path in our period of separation. I know that the universe witnesses everything God/Source knows every thought, motive and intention. In my understanding there is a reason we do not relate on every level to other people including our spouses, it is because within our auric fields we all have multiple “bodies” /realms. We have physical, emotional, mental, intellectual, spiritual, higher mental and divine bodies, these are separate bodies/realms.
Everything in this universe is about energies/frequencies. If these bodies do not resonate at the similar frequencies, there is nothing in common on that realm between the two people. There is no spark. Some peoples higher bodies/realms have not even been activated. They are dormant. Impotent. They remain unawakened. I know this by the comparison between the energies I shared with my friend.
That is not a criticism of my husband just a fact. Basically, he is on a different level to me. He’s not even spiritual in any way. Like the majority of people, only his lower bodies are even active. That is how I was when we met and married. The fact that now mine are all fully functioning and firing on all cylinders is not his fault. I now simply make allowances for our differences. I am the one that changed. We used to be so alike now we are like chalk and cheese but it amuses me. I hardly see him anyway.
I can verify and confirm your statement “Everything in this universe is about energies/frequencies” I have direct experience 🙂
When it comes to my wife I follow Castaneda’s advice which is to find yourself a petty aggressor and to hold on to them. They make one a better person, and at the same time you are helping them in a way that perhaps no-one else will. The two of us are literally 180 degrees of difference on most subjects, but it is written that opposites attract!
My family are used to and accept my situation. It has gone on unchanged for 19 years. As for Covid, again it is a strange paradox, in my bubble environment. it just doesn’t exist in my normal everyday awareness and I don’t experience the collective. Yet, I am simultaneously seeing it planet wide from that macrocosmic perspective. I know what’s going on but it doesn’t affect me. It is so hard to explain. It is like being in two separate places at once. Yet detached from both! I see both sides to everything and simultaneously. Eg: Pro vax, anti vax. Pro this Anti that, to me is like left or right, I don’t have an opinion I just see it as duality. The propaganda and conspiracy theories abound.
I know that I am probably hard to understand so please be patient with me if I don’t make sense. I see you changed your job do you work from home?
For my job i forget where i worked when we last spoke, but potentially i’ve had two different jobs since then. Covid falllout seeing to my last job ending. I’m now working from home yes, and while it can be lonely i like it mostly. Thankfully with software development i’m in a niche industry that can happily understand how to, and be successful in working remotely. Think i’ve spent most of my adult life communicating with people by text!
Yes I did see your video. Were you not talking about your own experience? I am so glad that finally someone else agrees with me and see’s the degree of retardation and idiocy that is going on across the globe with the worst of it being in the highest positions of power! It is a mad world. But it still makes me laugh. After getting your response, I know the test is over. I also know that as one door closes another one opens. I believe that together we are going to open the door to something higher for us both? I have no idea what, don’t ask me. I just go with the flow and that for me is being surrendered to Source and doing God’s will.
I also follow the will of the source, rather than go with the flow of man and this whole world took a left turn last March while i carried going straight on as before. It’s the strangest thing to see friends and loved ones turn a corner and depart from you in their thinking and beliefs. I don’t know if this has ever happened to human beings before on such a scale. It’s not a good thing 🙁 The world is mad, and not in a good way, it’s actually self destructive, but as you write I hope that we can rise higher above it, perhaps together? I guess we will find out in the coming days what the pattern is for us 🙂
You made me laugh out loud about the Gulag. I need to warn you, one thing we may differ on is sense of humour. I have a very strange sense of humour. I make fun of and laugh at the darkest things because the world is like a farcical comedy to me. I mean no offence it is just for comedy effect. Dark and light are just two sides of the same thing and I don’t have bias either way. If there is comedy in there I will find it.
Don’t worry about offending me, i’ve given that nonsense up years ago, and if I recall correctly I like your humor 🙂
I completely understand what you mean about that wasteland of zero spirituality. It is a weird place to be, I used to describe it as being on a plateau. Sometimes we take steps forwards and backwards but that is stagnant period. It feels like you have stalled! The worst thing about it is that it seems to go on for so long and you have no idea when the engine is going to start up again. You wonder is there any petrol in the tank? Can you even find the keys? Will it even start again? The questions go on and on, unanswered…..Until Source decides it’s time… : )
On the subject of my down-time spiritually it has been a test as before, i think we are constantly being tested. I don’t know why the source wants this obedience but i’m happy to give it freely to my creator, as opposed to our imperious human leaders, who can shove it! Re connecting with you has awoken my K again and i have to say that i missed it, and you, and would often hope that you returned at some point, and now you have!
I know what you mean about the Organisation I know their intentions were good but I just didn’t resonate with them. I actually don’t with anything of this world. I don’t like dealing with humans. I was just grateful to Website X for first the opportunity of meeting my friend who obviously needed me. But also for meeting you. We have had our own individual experiences since meeting on Website X and I am sure we are both very different people from the ones we were when we first met. It will be nice to get to know one another. Only this time from the offset we can start off as already trusted friends, not strangers. Fellow aliens. Extraterrestrials. What a perfect place to start.
Looking forward to the next adventure in the desert of the real!
The reason I believe that we have to have such obedience is because we don’t have the big picture that Source has. We cannot see the overall plan. Some of the things we do in that obedience may not make logical sense to us. But Source is not logical as the human mind perceives it. People see things in a linear fashion. Eg: A leads to B leads to C. as in cause and effect. But the universe is not linear because it is multidimensional. Causes come from the dimensions above. As above, so below. If we try to direct things from our own perspective to fit with our own logic, we cock things up.
Whenever I reach a point that I don’t understand what is going on even in the worst crisis, my go to mantras are…” Everything happens for a reason” we don’t always see that reason straight away.” accept and allow and trust that Source knows what it is doing. That degree of faith only comes about with experience that confirms these facts as being true. Ego’s cannot conceive of being surrendered to Source because it thinks it is the master. In fact ego’s perceive the idea as being a form of weakness to have no self will, when in fact it is the exact opposite. It takes great courage to submit yourself in that way.
It is like a quantum leap into the unknown. When you reach the point that you are seeing the world as a problem, maybe it’s time to turn away? Detach yourself from it all, it’s the only way to find peace. I see the turmoil in the world but yet still know that it is all in God’s plan. I take the emotions out of it. Yes man is self destructive because dark ego is in charge and there is nothing more self destructive than that little bugger. It can be mans own worse enemy. It will fight to it’s death and kill you in the process. The best way to deal with an ego is not to fight it but to “love it to death”.
Once it’s gone you realise it wasn’t actually real in the first place. It was just a persona we created. I think being in the dog eat dog world it is needed or people would be sitting ducks for the wolves. Even Jesus had an ego albeit a light one, or else he would not have got angry. Jesus did not transcend whilst still incarnate, he died! Just like my friend did. He seriously was like a Christ consciousness in waiting but I don’t dwell on the past my mind lives only in the now. I am just so relieved to have my own freedom of mind back.
You are of course correct, and I have witnessed it. Dr Sam Beckett stepped into the quantum leap accelerator, and vanished! 😀